Kick At The Darkness Til It Bleeds Daylight

                                                (winter 2015)

Nothing worth having
Ever comes with a fight
Gotta kick at the darkness
Til it bleeds daylight
Bruce Cockburn

Sitting in the darkness might not be the most comfortable place to take residence. Yet, it has become a place I have become all too familiar with. It took being frightened to death that gave me the strength to kick my way out. And it is only now that I begin to see the gift.

In my garden I have unraveled many tangled threads. On days when I prayed to die, I often found myself outside digging in the dirt. When I first moved to my little six acre farm, there was nothing but open fields. Twenty years later, there are fruit trees, herb gardens, flower beds, a kitchen garden and green house, and several beds lined with boxwoods that supply me with all the bounty and beauty I need. I realize now, after years of trial and error, how things grow, and how desperately they want to live. And it all begins in the deep dark womb of the earth. Every seed gestates in the dark. And every seed struggles to find the light, where it blooms.

It is only now that I feel myself reach out from that dark womb into the light. And as I do, I find many other fellow travelers.

While I was painting, these other figures appeared. I felt the guardian and followed where the brush lead. I sensed in me the call to rise both up and out from the darkness and begin the journey toward my destiny, into the light, which was still strange and unfamiliar. When I finished the painting, I knew that not only was I guarded, but I was not alone. I also knew that the darkness was only the gestation and not the end itself. It was the place that allowed me to gather all I needed so that when I walked toward the light, I walked with certainty and strength.